Falling/Landing

In my dream I'm falling. The abyss is deep, never ending. I wonder when I will hit the bottom, when will every bone in my body pulverize. I'm looking forward to the moment when by body and the granite up ahead meet, I fear the anticipation of the unknown more than I fear the reality of my death up ahead. I know what will become of me once the fall ends. I don't want that shattering finality to my mortality, but I don't want this racing heart-beat, these fluttering butterflies housed in my stomach, the shortness of breath - all symptoms brought on by the irrevocable fear of not knowing when everything will end. The journey is scarier than the outcome. The outcome is final, the journey is a process.

I'm awake. I'm alive. I realize your my abyss. I think I finally hit your concrete. My bones aren't broken, only my heart is. I wonder if this is our finality, if it truly is over. I'm unsure as to whether or not I want to climb your walls again, once again hoping I won't fall and get hurt. But your walls are slippery, treacherous. I don't want to think about it. I want to believe, like before, that it is over. But it is hard to release all hope when you desire something so much.

I'm dreaming again. Falling. I don't know what path to choose. I don't know if I'm ready to let go. To move forward. To forget you. I'm split. Half of me can't wait to forget your name, your face. My other half fears the possibility of one day no longer loving you, of forgetting you, of forgetting the way you make me feel. I don't know what's a greater evil - leaving you behind me, or holding on to you.